i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
