you win again, gameday.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
