I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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