mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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