he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
