is your mom at the bar?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
