i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We are two peas in an std pod
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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