last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
