dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
