Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
