Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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