i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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