I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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