I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
