I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
