Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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