Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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