dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
