I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
