so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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