i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
