So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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