It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
