Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
