Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
