My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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