Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize