I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
