I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
