i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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