if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
