Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
