Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
