when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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