Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
