Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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