Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
