I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
