DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
