I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
