We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
