Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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