ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
