I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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