The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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