Barsexuality is the new black.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
