you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
