u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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