in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize