he quoted the bible to break up with me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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