worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
