Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
